Residentvagabond’s Weblog

If beard growing became a national sporting activity, I strongly suspect that the organisers would soon find themselves in the High Court amidst accusations of sexism, and ageism.  It is true to say that hair is a fussy commodity which only grows on the chins certain specimens.  Those challenged in this way include; babies, pre-pubescent boys and pre-menopausal women.  Everyone else sprouts hair freely.

I do not fall into any of the above categories yet I am beardless.  Why?  Because I choose to be.  I make an effort, spend money and take time to be able to unashamedly call myself a beardless man.  Don’t be fooled with phrases such as “I’m thinking of growing a beard” or “I’m trying to grow a beard” or “It took me ages to grow this beard”, because essentially anyone who has a beard has only succeeded in one thing… doing nothing.  Yes, a beard is the nasty side-effect of non-activity.  Now I am aware that some of you may be donning a beard and perhaps even stroking it fondly as you read these words.  So before I am accused of beardism, let me categorically state that I have no problem with your beard (or what you do with it).  Just don’t expect me to congratulate you for gaining a growth on your face which, quite frankly, takes about as much effort as gathering dust in an empty house.

The top five “beardoes” - as voted by the British public - are: (in reverse order)

1. B.A. Baracus - “Pity the fool”
2. Papa Smurf
3. Catweazle
4. Uncle Albert
5. Gandalf
6. Hillary Clinton - This look didn’t really work out for you did it Hillary?!