Archive for July, 2008
Rubbish-Dump Spuds
this is a potato
Tuesday is the first day of my working week and what a day it’s been. I went to bed yesterday evening (Monday) feeling very pleased with myself for laying a 5ft path in my back garden, and I vowed to “kill dead things” when I woke up today (Tuesday). I woke up late and subsequently very peed off. Sporting my new pyjamas I crawled to the kitchen in agony feeling like i’d done ten rounds with Mike Tyson and looking like a geriatric.
No milk. Black coffee. Bah!
Showered, shaved and feeling much better I shuffled to the study and discovered that I had lots of incredibly important face-booking, blog-reading and e-mailing to do. 2 hours later and my afternoon entertainment had arrived at the door. I greeted them, we drank coffee and went book shopping. Now it’s 4:30pm.
Heading home I console myself that there’s a good 2 hours before heading out for my dinner invitation. One mile from the house I randomly bump into my mother and her mate who have been out shopping for wedding outfits. “Who’s wedding?” i ask. “Oh no-one in particular, its just good to be prepared for every eventuality”. If they’re holding out for my wedding they’d better have supplies!
6:30pm and my Mother and her friend head off home and I head for my dinner. Its a lovely, good, wholesome dinner which contained three of my ‘five-a-day’ portions. We ate potatoes that had been grown in the garden. I - all of a sudden - became terribly and genuinely interested in the art of growing potatoes. I asked my hosts lots of questions and they patiently told me that I could grow my own potatoes in a half barrel of soil and mud if i wanted to. If I plant in February I can harvest in June and I’d get dozens of potatoes for my efforts. “You can’t go wrong” he said “After the harvest thanksgiving last year we threw some leftover potatoes into the rubbish dump at the church graveyard. We had a great crop of potatoes in June, and without even trying” he told me proudly. “Did you eat them?” I asked. “Oh no, sure they grew in a rubbish dump in a graveyard, why would we eat them?!” I blushed.
I’m going to get a half barrel of mud and muck and chuck in a few spuds in February. I’ll be a farmer by June!
It’s 10:30pm… I really ought to do some work!
4 comments July 22, 2008
Doing the Lambeth Walk…Oi!
“Any Time you’re Lambeth Way
Any Evening, any day
You’ll find us all (well…most of us)
Doin’ the Lambeth Walk”
The Lambeth Conference is a decadel gathering of bishops from the Anglican Communion, who assemble at the invitation of the Archbishop of Canterbury. During this 2 week conference they deliberate, debate, discuss, drink coffee and cause controversy. However there is one bishop who is walking his own version of the Lambeth walk: Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire, USA. Consecrated whilst wearing a bullet-proof vest in 2003, Bishop Robinson is the first openly gay Anglican bishop in the Communion. 880 bishops were invited to Lambeth this year yet Bishop Robinson was not on Rowan William’s guest list. He came anyway - (I assume he had his flights booked in advance). Out of the 880 bishops thought to have been invited, approximately 200 have declined the invitation. Although not obliged to comment as to their reasons, it is speculated that they are not attending because of the recent decisions and resolutions made by the liberal wing of the Anglican Communion. Women Bishops in England, Gay Bishops in America, and the blessing of the marriage of two gay priests in England are contributing factors to the tension within the Anglican Communion. But will this be enough to break the back of this Anglican Camel? Bishop Gene Robinson is a complex figure. A struggling homosexual; ordained as a priest; married then divorced; involved in a monogamous same-sex relationship; consecrated as a bishop; and a recovering alcoholic. Is this same man single-handedly capable of causing an irrepairable schism within the Anglican Communion? or is is he a sinful man, saved by grace, sent to challenge our interpretations of biblical texts regarding homosexuality?
One one hand, Bishop Robinson is claimed to be a trouble maker, showing up where he is not invited. On the other hand he claims to come in peace asking ”how can we hold onto one another while we figure this out?” (Andrew Marr show, BBC)
Although not invited, Gene Robinson is at Lambeth. Would you talk to him? All comments gratefully received!
“Ev’rything’s free and easy,
Do as you darn well pleasey,
Why don’t you make your way there,
Go there, stay there,Once you get down Lambeth way,
Ev’ry evening, ev’ry day,
You’ll find yourself doin’ the Lambeth walk.”
4 comments July 17, 2008
Beards
If beard growing became a national sporting activity, I strongly suspect that the organisers would soon find themselves in the High Court amidst accusations of sexism, and ageism. It is true to say that hair is a fussy commodity which only grows on the chins certain specimens. Those challenged in this way include; babies, pre-pubescent boys and pre-menopausal women. Everyone else sprouts hair freely.
I do not fall into any of the above categories yet I am beardless. Why? Because I choose to be. I make an effort, spend money and take time to be able to unashamedly call myself a beardless man. Don’t be fooled with phrases such as “I’m thinking of growing a beard” or “I’m trying to grow a beard” or “It took me ages to grow this beard”, because essentially anyone who has a beard has only succeeded in one thing… doing nothing. Yes, a beard is the nasty side-effect of non-activity. Now I am aware that some of you may be donning a beard and perhaps even stroking it fondly as you read these words. So before I am accused of beardism, let me categorically state that I have no problem with your beard (or what you do with it). Just don’t expect me to congratulate you for gaining a growth on your face which, quite frankly, takes about as much effort as gathering dust in an empty house.
The top five “beardoes” - as voted by the British public - are: (in reverse order)
- B.A. Baracus - “Pity the fool”
- Papa Smurf
- Catweazle
- Uncle Albert
- Gandalf
- Hillary Clinton - This look didn’t really work out for you did it Hillary?!
4 comments July 15, 2008
