Archive for June, 2008
Carla Bruni and me
I have recently been converted to the sweet and folky muses of Carla Bruni. I even went as far as to purchase her album “quelqu’un m’a dit”. Most of the time I’m blissfully unaware of her lyrics but It doesn’t stop me from enjoying the listening experience. In fact I often make up my own titles for the songs. Perhaps you too will be converted to her wonderfully intoxicating voice. Click on the link below to hear her dulcet tones.
(Also check out link opposite)
Loose translation “It tells me that our lives are not worth much, they spend a moment to fade as the roses. It tells me that the time slip is a bastard that our sorrows he made coats, however, someone told me … (refrain)… whether you m’aimais again. This is someone who told me that you m’aimais….”
All translations of “m’aimais” greatfully received… don’t be shy now
Add comment June 28, 2008
Won Ton Soup
So it’s a blustery Tuesday night in a strange town. (Strange as in ‘unfamiliar’ not strange as in ‘hello-nice-to-meet-you-have-you-met-my-wife-who’s-also-my-sister!’). I have just spent 3 hours of my evening in a mildly interesting meeting. I spoke once at the meeting only to say thanks to the person on my left who picked up my pen from the floor. I accidently dropped it and it had landed under my seat out of my eye range. I kept bending down to find it, then shifting position and bending down again, achieving nothing except a very red face. The person to my left – who had been equally silent – reached down with little effort and returned it to my possession. I muttered ‘thanks’ whilst raising my eyebrows slightly for some unknown reason. Not only was I the only mute in the room but I now had a beetroot coloured face and appeared to be hitting on the middle-aged pen-finding lady on my left.
By 11pm I needed a drink! I couldn’t have a drink so instead I decided to treat myself to a Chinese take-away – hence being in a strange town on a blustery Tuesday night.
The pleasant Chinese lady behind the counter asked me if I was ready to order. I was, on one condition: “Is your honey, chilli chicken sticky and crispy?” The answer was affirmative so I ordered.
“Anything else?” she replied.
“Emm, yes can I also have one tin?” This is where it all went wrong.
“Wonton?”
“eh..” I laughed nervously “no…sorry, just one tin of coke”
“Ok so it’s a honey and chilli chicken with chips, wonton soup and a coke, that’ll be £9.25 please”
“Em, actually I was saying ‘one tin’ not ‘wonton’. I just want one tin… of coke”
Slight hesitation
“Yes that is all right” said the server with her unflustered smile, “that’s £9.25”
I gave her a tenner and she gave me 75p.
I got home, ate my honey and chilli chicken, drank my coke and poured my wonton down the toilet.
By 12.25am I still needed a drink!
2 comments June 25, 2008
Lilac and yellow clash!
Exactly 2 weeks ago I was attending an annual conference in Belfast. A cocktail of laziness, sunstroke and a visitor from Kilkenny prevented me from seeing sense and taking the Metro into the capital. Instead I chose the speedy and luxurious option and drove the Rover. My lovely car comes in for a lot of criticism from many people who can be heard scoffing behind the steering wheels of their overpriced Renaults, Volkswagens, Peugeots and Fords. They mock the subtle lilac/blue tints and the chrome trim of the Rover. It may look like the choice vehicle for every suburban granny, but appearances can be deceiving!
I can forgive these aforementioned philistines but what truly offended me was our involuntary receipt of a big yellow parking fine, issued on 3rd June 2008 at precisely 15:22.
My immediate annoyance at the sight of this ticket on my windscreen ebbed away over the course of a few days. My annoyance was soon replaced with joy and laughter when I was informed that I could easily pay my fine online at www.roadsni.gov.uk. In addition to this convenient and hassle free payment method, I was overjoyed to learn that if I paid within 14 days I would receive a discount!! How generous!
The cherry on the cake however, was being able to view photos of my illegally parked Rover on the government website (see above). The traffic attendant had taken 5 photo’s altogether including an artistic shot of the big orange sign I had obviously not seen earlier that day.
So I suppose every cloud has a silver lining after-all. For a mere £30: I travelled to and from the conference in luxury; I learned how to pay a parking fine online; I got a 50% discount; realised that the colours lilac and yellow should never go together; and obtained some rather fetching photos of my stylish Rover (all included in the price).
Add comment June 17, 2008
Snow to Eskimos?
Sunny Saturday at an Irish car boot sale - What a Job!
(And they look so smug!)
Add comment June 13, 2008
Useless trivia
What was I doing 10 years ago?
I was working 9 till 5 in a reasonably stable, reasonably well paid, reasonably respectable and reasonably bearable job whilst resisting with all my will the call of God into Christian ministry. I was in between relationships (story of my life) and visiting friends with houses. Often at odds with my mother due to my impatience and lack of sensitivity. My music tastes included Bon Jovi, Garth Brooks and Brian Houston (no relation). I have remained a fan of only 1 of these artists! I had been a Christian for 2 years so I obviously knew it all by that stage, until I found out that the only thing I really knew was how much I didn’t know. I had many friends in many places and really didn’t know who I was.
Five snacks I enjoy in a perfect, non weight-gaining world
Ice-cream Mars Bar
Cocktail sausages
Sensations (lime flavour)
Cheese
Pizza (can this be classed as a ‘snack’?)
Five snacks I enjoy in the real world
Spelga toffee yogurt
Cheese on toast (Beggs’ style)
Sensations (lime flavour)
Coffee (can this be classed as a ‘snack’?)
Toast
Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Only tell Phil and Mum and give them half (to buy their silence)!
I would sponsor many worthy charities and churches doing worthwhile ministry
Buy a big house on the North coast which had uninterrupted views. This house would probably have its own gym with sea views. I’d probably never use it!
Employ a cleaner who could double up as a relationship guru
Travel a little.
Five jobs that I have had:
Not in any particular order:
Driving a “Doctor on Call” around north and west Belfast during the night and wee small hours.
Community Outreach Worker
Regional Youth and Support Worker in the Donegal and Monaghan Regions!
Assistant Minister (Presbyterian Church, Ireland)
Method’s Engineer (Bombardier, Belfast)
Three of my habits:
Prayer
Afternoon napping power napping (when possible)
Not making my bed (what’s the point of this?)
Five places I have lived:
Whiteabbey, Belfast
Rathcoole, Belfast
Swann’s Scoss, Co. Monaghan (sort of)
Portadown, Co. Armagh
Liscooley, Co. Donegal
1 comment June 13, 2008
The debate of the red button
There have been many great debates throughout the history of the world: philosophical, theological, scientific, political and cultural to categorise a few. Our world has been shaped and directed by high brow thinking and debating which established theories, doctrines, formulae and rules. Einstein’s theory of relativity was borne out of hours of painful study and debate. The Patristic Fathers debated significantly over the formulation of the doctrine of Trinity. Freud’s theory of the unconscious mind still leaves neuro-surgeons scratching their heads.
The debates of today, however, have less implications for the fabric of society or the development of science than those of our ancestors, yet we engage them with equal fervour. I have no proof with which to bolster my theory but i wish to share it none-the-less. (clears throat) The single most debated issue facing the Great British public today, is that of the red button!
Interactive digital television has taken me captive. Once upon a time I was free. Free to live, to leave my home and go out places, to chat with my neighbours, free to enjoy reading a newspaper on a Saturday morning and free to grow some vegetables in my back garden (I freely chose not to do that though). But now I’m a prisoner. Held in my armchair with cords of curiosity and flicking through the channels in a desperate panic that I might be missing something. I’m constantly being instructed at the end of each programme that I can be privy to some fascinating insights if i ‘press my red button…now’.
I remember the days when one used the red button to utilise teletext. I further remember that one was often instructed ‘not to push the red button’. The red button on the escalators; in the school woodwork room; in an aeroplane cockpit, were all forbidden fruit and were only to be pushed in an emergency, not willy nilly or at the drop of a TV presenters hat! What is the world coming to?
I’m going to break free - free from armchair bondage - and exercise my right to not push the interactive red button and instead push the red ’standby’ button and get on with my life.
Add comment June 12, 2008
Big Bother
Log on to a webpage, switch on the TV, sit in a bar, go out with friends and it happens! Maybe if I sat in a dark, sealed hatch at the bottom of the ocean I could escape the constant bombardment of Big Brother trivia! Why do we need to know if Rebecca has had her chips or if Luke has a shave for the first time on Wednesday 11 June at 12.05pm!!
People are asking “have you seen Big Brother?” My answer is invariably “no” but yet I seem to know every housemate by their first name and regularly see intrusive personal pictures on most entertainment and news websites. Go away BB - leave us in peace to watch TV, read a newspaper, check our inboxes and sip our pints - Just Go!
Add comment June 11, 2008
